The Engineer (retired)

Did you ever just want to give someone a valium? That is Will. He gets so hyper over nothing. There will be two people in line, and he is running around like a maniac.
He also wants to know WHY.
"Why is the computer entry set up like this?... it doesn't make sense, it should be this way."
"Will, I don't know. I didn't write the program. You just have to do it the way it set up."

"Why does it take so long for the paperwork to come out of the printer?"
"I don't know Will, it just does."

If EVERYTHING is not spelled out in the correct order, it drives him crazy! and he thinks that everyone should do the same thing the same way... or he will ask WHY?

I bet he drove his parents crazy as a kid.

Job interview tips

The manager at our station was telling us about a job interview. Keep in mind that we really need to hire people.
The girl he interviewed today... first of all she wore pants that were way too tight, but he would have overlooked that.
When you go for a job interview, try not to use phrases such as "like you know" after ever sentence.
The phrase that really did it was she actually said "AS IF!"
He did not want to hire a Valley Girl.

Blonde Agent

  

The Blonde Agent

We hired a new agent. Yes she is blonde, but not just physically. We have several "blonde" agents at the station, but this woman is the most "BLONDE" person I have ever met in my life.
As I have said before, on the ramp we do the same thing everyday! After working for about two weeks you would think that she would at least kind of get it. But no, she will move equipment so that it is obviously in the way of something else.
She will do the one thing that you ask her to do and then just stand there smiling.
After we push the aircraft back from the gate:

"Peg, great job disconnecting the tow bar from the tug!" (She stands there all proud and smiling) "You might want to also disconnect it from the plane too."
(Takes off a lot better that way)

Everyone likes Peg, she is very nice and tries really hard, but she is just sooooo blonde!

It is the same thing when she flags the plane in (honestly I think she will stand there until she is told to do something else)

"OK Peg great job.. now chock the wheels and lets pull up the jetbridge so that everyone can get off the plane."

The Eticket Kiosk

This is NOT a complicated machine! It is not evil. It is not trying to take over the world, or even our jobs.

The first thing you will see is a flashing arrow with the words.... SCAN YOUR ID OR CREDIT CARD HERE! (this is for identification only you will not be charged).

Some reactions to this:

1. Stand there and stare blankly at the machine. (It can not read your mind) I wonder how long they would just stare if I didn't go help them.

2. Just assume that it is too complicated and say, "Oh I can't do that!"

3. Refuse to use it or go near it. "I hate those things!" "Why can't I get checked in by a real person!?"

Jen: "That's Ok sir I will use the eticket machine for you." "May I see your ID please."

Pax: Pulling out his ID and complaining, "I don't know why you make me use this, why can't a real person check me in?"

Jen: "I am a real person, I am standing beside you, and I am doing all the button pushing, the only thing you did was show me your ID, which is what you would have done had I been behind the counter."

You can look at a seat map and change your own seat. Make sure your frequent flyer miles are in your reservation, and print a receipt.

4. Stare at the machine for a while, then try to stuff your itinerary papers into the place where the boarding passes come out. That one cracks me up every time, and yes it has happened more than once.

5. Just touch the screen apparently at random, then stare at it until an agent comes to help you and starts the thing over.

Believe me I understand, first time flyers, or if you haven't traveled in a long time, but I have seen this kind of thing from people who are frequent flyers.

Have a nice flight! (And learn to use the damn machine!)

Why are people stupid?

Number One Stupid person of the month!

Jeff comes up to the ticket counter at 6am, says "Yes I need to get on this flight."

Jen: "Ok sir what is your last name?"

Jeff: "Smith"

Jen: "I don't show you booked on the flight do you have a ticket?"

Jeff: "No I came in last night, I got on the wrong plane and ended up here." (Handing me a boarding pass that showed he should have been on a flight to Philladelphia.)

Jen: (Looks up passenger record... nothing is documented about him being on the wrong flight.) "Sir did you inform anyone last night that you ended up in the wrong city?"

Jeff: "No after the flight there was no one here."

Jen: "There was an agent as you got off the plane, and agents at baggage claim, you did not tell anyone."

Jeff: "No they were busy working."

Jen:" You didn't call anyone?"

Jeff: "I called and changed my reservation."

(After more questions and searching I found out he called his connecting airline and changed a flight from Philladelphia to Hartford.)

Jen: "Sir our flight does not go to Philly, and you don't have a ticket."

Jeff: "I don't see what is so complicated about it." "After I spent the night in this airport you can't help me?"

Sometimes in hub cities they do board two flights at the same time and when you go outside the agent directs you to the correct flight. So ok, the dumbass can't follow directions, but he also did not listen to the flight attendant announcing the arriving city. Plus on top of all that, I noticed that he missed an earlier flight he was supposed to be on the day before.

Jeff: "What state is this?"

This is a 25 year old.... (not an old confused half deaf person)... in which case I would have understood.

After he and his boss, (who apparently has no idea that he has a dumbass working for him) made several phone calls to customer service, he was put on another airline that would get him to Philly.

Parking

This has caused a HUGE fight in our station. Not over agent parking spaces, but over where to park a piece of equipment. (A difference of about 5 feet... see picture below).

The de-icer is huge, it is not a truck but has to be hooked up to a tug in order to move it. It is extremely hard to back it into a parking space and only a few agents can do it.

I wanted to park it sideways from the beginning... but a few others made a big deal about how sloppy that looked...so I said fine and just left the thing out when I used it and they could back it up.
That worked for a while, but some mornings when you are just not sure if you will have to de-ice or not, you have to turn it on anyway to warm it up. It was parked in front of another airlines office and they complained that the fumes were going into there office.

Now we would have to hook it up to a tug, pull it forward just to warm it up.... and we may not even have to de-ice that morning..... so we would have to hook the tug back up to and and back it up and park it. (A lot of work for nothing).

I brought it up again that we should move it. This is the comment I got....( from the clean freak), "No, we are not changing anything!"

Most of the agents agreed with me but were afraid to piss of the clean freak.

I explained this to the manager... and I moved the de-icer.

You would have thought that I had trashed the entire airport.

"Why are people moving things around!" "That looks so sloppy!" "Now they won't be able to park the lav cart!" (not true). "Some people always want to have their own way!" (true, but I was right.)
People then started taking sides.... it was ugly for a few days...., but the manager agreed with me.
They did get over it... (they always do).

and yes it was nice getting something done my way. :)

Parking the De-icer

 

Bossy Agent

The bossy agent was in the military and still likes to give orders. Things should be done ON TIME, and done right (her way).

Ok I admit it, the bossy agent is me. I can however be convinced to do things in a different way, as long as it makes sense. (Then everyone else will be convinced too). LOL

The think I can not tolerate is the being ON TIME thing. Damn it, if your start time is 4:30am then you should be outside working at 4:30. You should not be clocking in, or making coffee, or standing at your locker getting your gear on for 15 mins.

This morning for example, the ticket counter opens at 5am. I am walking in at 5:15 (I start at 5:30am and I am scheduled to work the ramp today), there are 5 people in line at the counter, I apologized on my way in and told them I would get someone to come out.

The agent scheduled to work the counter at 5am, " Penny"said "Why are they so early!"

Jen: "You are scheduled for 5am why aren't you out at the counter."

Penny: "Well I was running late today, and I don't have my make-up on yet." "Al, will you go
out for 5 mins please?"

Al: grumbling, "It will take you 20 mins." but he goes out to the counter.


Note to self... should have added pic of agent applying make-up.

Bossy agent pic

 

The Clean Freak

 

The princess

This is one of the agents I work with. She is cute and knows it. Somehow she can time it just right so that she doesn't really do much of anything.


 

De-icing

 

De-icing

Every time there is even a small coating of frost on the plane, we have to de-ice (spray glycol on the plane).
We have a rule that the first person that comes in, (4:30am) goes outside and starts up the de-icer so that the fluid warms up. If it is just a little frost and not snowing, we just spray before the crew or the passengers get there and it saves us a lot of time.

Donnie was the first one in. No matter how many times we have told him to do this, he forgot. Keep in mind that Donnie has been working with us for 5 years. He was more concerned about getting the computer entries done, (entries which can be done after the flight).

We would just have to spray the aircraft after the flight was boarded.

Al gets up in the bucket to spray and Donnie is driving. I am up in the jetbridge watching. Al starts spraying the wing, then I hear him yelling in the radio, "Donnie turn it off!" He is holding the hose away from him and it is still spraying. I hear again "Donnie turn it off!.... Turn it off!!!!."

Donnie finally gets out and walks up to the deicer and moves the handles around.... (not the ones that turn it off).

Al: "No!, turn off the switch!".... the fluid is still spraying all over him from the side of the hose, I can see now that the hose has a leak.

Donnie finally turns off the fluid.

I call another airline to come and spray our plane, after I stop laughing.

The Band

"The Band" arrived on time, unfortunately their luggage and equipment did not. They started to freak out a bit, they had a concert the next day, and they had to rehearse.

We found out their bags were in the connecting city and would be arriving in a few hours, we assured them we would put a rush on the delivery and get the bag to them ASAP.
We did as promised and the bags and equipment arrived safely within 4 hours of their arrival.

Steve was on vacation the next day and went to the concert, which was held in a local amusement park. Before they even started playing they announced " ______ Airlines lost their luggage." Steve got upset and left, thinking..."this has been band, doesn't even appreciate how we went out of our way to get their bags to them."
Of course he told his co-workers about the "announcement" at the concert.

"The Band" was checking in for the return flight. They had a lot of equipment and bags.

Yvonne checked them in "Ok sir you have two excess bags, and three of your bags are overweight, that comes to $235."

"The Band just looks at her shocked, "But they didn't charge us on the way out." you know they were thinking... "but WE ARE THE BAND!"

Yvonne: "Cash or charge sir?"

The Band: "Charge." mumbling under breath and to each other.... "this is unbelievable" "I can't believe this" "didn't charge us on the way here."

Yvonne: "Thank you sir, here is your receipt." "Oh and by the way, we heard about your announcement at the concert."

The Band: ( mouths falling open) "How did you hear about that?"

Yvonne: "Its a small town." "Have a nice flight."

The Adventures of Donnie (Part 1)

To get in and out of our baggage area, we swipe our badge, enter a code, and wait for the door to open up. (Like an automatic garage door opens).

A really simple operation.

Donnie is attempting to leave the baggage area, he is driving a tug with bag carts attached, there is another guy ahead of him who puts in his code and opens the door. (Donnie is supposed to wait until the door comes down again, swipe his badge and enter his code... waiting for the door to open.)

Instead... this is what happens.....

Donnie hesitates a moment, wondering if the door is going to come down, he decides that it will stay up. He attempts to exit, the door is comes down.

Donnie panics and hits the gas... the top of the tug gets caught on the garage door... somehow the front wheels of the tug are up in the air. Donnie is a complete panic... saying NO NO NO.... everyone is just looking at the thing wondering "What the hell happened ?"

The manager was called and she calmly took charge, talked Donnie out of the tug and called maintenance.

Donnie did not get fired.... took a drug test and passed.... and got three days suspension....with pay.

Hold on to your teeth

Everyone was already onboard the aircraft when we were notified of an Air Traffic Control Delay. Steve was up front talking to the crew when the flight attendant tapped him on the shoulder.
FA : "Excuse me, we have an ill passenger in the back, she threw up in the lav. and lost her teeth, she is requesting that someone retrive them for her."

Steve: Thinking to himself.... "How in hell am I going to do this?" "Maybe if I use a garbage bag up to my shoulder, I could reach in through the access panel and..... eeewwww. Oh my God WHY would she want them back! "Can't imagine any method of cleaning them that would enable someone to put that back in thier mouth."

Once the lav. on the aircraft is flushed everything goes into a holding tank. (Think small septic tank).

Lucky for Steve, the delay was lifted and the aircraft departed.

Message to the next station, Attention Maintenance: Please retrieve teeth from lav. tank for Passenger Smith seated in row 10A,

Thanks for your help!

How can your bag can get lost on nonstop flight ?

Simple... because every airport has at least one dumbass agent.

Our agent (Lets call him Donnie) happened to be working the gate yesterday. He boarded the flight but he was missing one person, who had checked in at the counter with one bag.

He paged this person twice, finally 10 mins prior to departure we decide to pull the bag and go.

We kept asking Donnie, did you check with the flight attendant to see how many people she has, maybe you forgot to pull the boarding pass.
Donnie, "Yes, I checked, I pulled all the boarding passes, he is not here."

English is Donnie's second language (barely)

I was working the ticket counter and ran up to the gate to check with the flight attendant, but it was too late, jet bridge was already pulled back.

Five minutes after the flight left I get a phone call.... (Donnie from the gate)... "Oh I just realized that I did not get a count from the flight attendant... and I found the boarding pass, it was just misplaced."

We send the bag on the next flight, arriving a few hours after the passenger.

That is one way a bag can get "lost" on a non-stop flight.... even if you checked in early.